Money in Marriage – the need to help each other

Song:
 

We are heirs of the Father
We are joint heirs with the Son
We are children of the Kingdom
We are family, family, we are one.

Money is one of the most frequently cited reasons for conflict within marriage. It is not uncommon for both husbands and wives to have jobs outside the home—a major change from the norm just a few decades ago when husbands were expected to be the major financial providers.

With the addition of women in the workplace, household incomes have increased dramatically. However, this new windfall of money has not soothed all financial tension. Taxes and other expenses, as well as stress levels, have also soared upward. Families still face financial hardship; arguments over money still plague marriages. In this message I will consider some of the typical financial issues couples face and some practical guidelines for relieving stress over financial matters.

Planning children

Estimates for the cost of having, raising and educating a child run into daunting figures. Because God instructs families to provide for their own “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8), couples must realise they take on important financial responsibilities when they have children.

Preparation for children is crucial. When children are born out of wedlock, unexpected questions and problems arise. If the parents are teenagers, can they complete their education? How will they provide for themselves and the child? If they do not have the financial resources required, other family members (often parents and grandparents) or the government will probably be expected to cover their financial and moral irresponsibility.

Of course, sexual responsibility is not just for teenagers. Grown men and women must also consider the results of their actions. If they have children outside of marriage, how will they provide for a child's financial needs and for the happy, stable, father-mother environment every child needs?

God's direction is that sexual relations are proper only within marriage. When we follow God's command, no babies are born out of wedlock. Thus the financial difficulties that almost always accompany such mistakes are eliminated.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)

“But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” ( 1 Corinthians 7:2 ).

“It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3).

“Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4).

Finally, even married, mature adults who have completed their education are wise to plan when to have children. Some prudent young couples work and accumulate financial reserves before starting their families. Such an approach reflects personal discipline, foresight and a well-designed financial plan.

Caring for children

A common complaint in two-income households is the difficulty of finding someone to care for the children while both parents are at work. Many couples, instead of giving their children to strangers, are deciding to care for their own. One parent stays home with the children until they are old enough to be in school before returning to the regular workplace. When the extra expenses of child care, transportation, additional clothing, etc., are taken into consideration, some families find there is little difference in their household incomes when one of them remains at home to care for their children.

Though some may view this as old-fashioned, it is precisely the approach assumed in the Bible. The book of Proverbs, for example, speaks of a father and mother teaching a child important values. One of the simplest and best solutions for children is for their own parents to care for them and teach them. Yet, with so many single parents, we understand the practical problems some will face.

“Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.” (Proverbs 1:8) .

“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” (Proverbs 23:22).

Sharing resources

For husband and wife to work together financially, both must be willing to share. From the beginning, God's instructions have been that "a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Later we read that husbands should love their wives and wives should submit to their husbands.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22).

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

There is no room for selfishness in the loving marriage relationship God desires for every couple. Too often, conflicts over money arise within marriages when one mate seeks to gratify his or her personal interests before meeting the needs of the family. Even if basic needs are met, arguments can arise over how additional money should be spent. When considering how many people in the world are barely able to survive, conflict over disposable funds seems ludicrous.

During His earthly ministry, Jesus Christ was approached by a person involved in a monetary dispute. "Then one from the crowd said to Him, 'Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.' But He said to him, 'Man, who made Me a judge or an arbitrator over you?' And He said to them, 'Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses'" (Luke 12:13-15).

It is easy for us to give more attention to our personal desires in this life than to think about the spiritual values we should be learning. Jesus illustrated this concept with a parable: "'The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. And he thought within himself, saying, 'What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?' So he said, 'I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. And I will say to my soul, 'Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.' 

"But God said to him, 'Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?' So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God'" (Luke 12:16-21).

It is most important for us to be "rich toward God." We must make God's instruction our highest priority. Couples who keep these biblical principles in mind may find it easier to share their physical resources.

Working together in marriage

Societal customs governing which mate should handle the family finances are in a state of change. In years gone by some cultures placed this responsibility upon the husband—a value underscored by basic biblical teaching (Ephesians 5:23). But, although the husband does have leadership responsibility within marriage, the Bible also makes it clear that wives can contribute great financial wisdom and skills to the family economy (Proverbs 31).

Sometimes the wife has greater financial and budgetary skills, and a wise husband should take note. A wife may be better at maintaining the checking accounts, balancing the checkbook and paying the bills, and in such cases the family may be better off having her handle these responsibilities. In a loving and respectful marriage both partners should discuss major financial decisions and priorities, then, according to the biblical model, the husband should make the final judgment.

Although couples will have to determine for themselves who handles which financial responsibilities, it is especially important for them to remember God's instruction that they treat each other with love and respect (1 Peter 3:1-7). When these principles are employed, a husband and wife can work as a team to weather financial difficulties.

Wives and Husbands

  1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

  7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:1-7).

In summary, couples can greatly reduce their conflicts over money by planning when to have children and how to care for them, agreeing how to apportion their resources and learning to work together to attain their financial goals.

Shalom

 Evang. John Bamidele Oseh